The animals are very cute

Because of a system problem, the records I had casually entered before disappeared, but I think this is also a good opportunity for me to rethink my own thoughts.

Over the past few years, I have also interned at many NGOs. There were both bitter and sweet moments throughout those internships. Some places I might return to years after leaving, have a meal with my former colleagues, and exchange a few pleasantries. But some organizations may have long forgotten that I ever existed as an intern, and going back rashly might instead be rather embarrassing and uncomfortable. Overall, however, these were all internship experiences I have never regretted. Because I like animals very much, I later chose to give up several better work opportunities and come to SPCA, hoping to work for related animal rights. But after coming to SPCA, I did not find the experience as meaningful as my previous internships. Instead, I was left full of disappointment and frustration. Even now, I cannot guarantee that I will not regret having come to this organization.

I believe that before truly falling in love with someone, you must first love yourself; otherwise, the person you fall in love with is merely a projection of your own emotions. I think the same reasoning could also apply to animals, right? But during the short three months I spent at SPCA, I came to hate myself. I do not know who or what I came to this organization for. SPCA’s internship system is interesting: you have to come three times a week for eight hours each time, yet receive only NT$200 in transportation reimbursement. But money has never been the issue—never, ever, ever. Many of my previous internships were unpaid as well. Naturally, NT$200 in transportation reimbursement is nowhere near enough to cover living expenses, so I could only shamelessly keep asking my family for money. Yet the internship work at the association consisted of constantly cleaning the association, sorting garbage and recyclables, helping look for news when I arrived at work, and then carrying heavy items to a nearby post office before leaving. During work, I also had to repeatedly clean up the association’s dogs’ feces and urine and answer calls from all kinds of people. Occasionally, members of the public would call and angrily berate us interns because the full-time employee responsible for donation-related matters had failed to handle something properly, leaving us completely innocent. Simply put, I learned practically nothing at the association. I felt more like a cheap janitor, while also having to use money from my family just to scrape by. It made me start to hate myself and feel that coming to the association was simply degrading myself.

I have always believed that pursuing an ideal should not be built on oppressing another group. But at this association, I did see some full-time employees who were fundamentally unprofessional repeatedly fail to understand colleagues who had their own ideas and genuinely understood animals. I also saw those people disrespecting us interns. This completely extinguished my original passion for animal protection. How tragic is that for an NGO? At the same time, I firmly believe that some people keep assuming that those of us who are merely “cynics who like leaving comments” do not understand them. But in my view, all they have ever loved is themselves, not animals.