It has already practically fallen apart. One-time mass immigration would be bad enough, but being unable to recruit people is even more pathetic. It seems that many people already know why this company is like this, without me having to say much.
Me (formerly stationed near Longshan Temple in Wanhua): Hey, how have you all been lately? My supervisor over there has started doing those personality tests again. Yesterday, they even asked me, “What kind of animal do you think represents your work?”
A (formerly stationed near the Sun Yat-sen Memorial Hall): You still had an animal to choose from. They directly forced us to draw from some kind of “emotional communication cards.” Whatever we drew, we had to share a life experience. That day I drew “shame,” and I thought to myself, I’m ashamed that I joined this company.
B (formerly stationed near Taipei 101): Damn, it’s no better over here. Last week, we held a “strategic creative meeting” near 101, and the supervisor pulled out some kind of PTT post and asked us, “If the company were a beverage, what do you think it would be?” I said, “Probably expired milk tea.” …They haven’t asked me to another meeting since that day.
C (formerly stationed near National Central University): You all still had human rights. Over there, I was treated like a training machine. The requirements were changed at the last minute every week, and we weren’t allowed to ask why—we could only do as we were told. Last time, I merely asked, “Isn’t this illogical?” and they said I “lacked flexibility and wasn’t suited to the team culture.” That kind of corporate-speak is way too convenient.
Me: It’s the standard “You have to be flexible, but you’re not allowed to have an opinion.” Honestly, sometimes I feel like we weren’t writing code; we were taking part in a beauty pageant—except they weren’t judging looks, they were judging who could put on the best act.
A: What left me speechless was when my supervisor once said to me, “I’m very good at judging people. The moment someone like you walks in, I know they won’t last long.” I almost thought she was reading my fortune.
B: I’ve been told that too! She said I “looked too calm and didn’t seem to crave opportunities at all,” then told me to proactively pitch ideas. After I did, she said, “You’re being a bit too proactive. It’s very stressful.”
C: Hahahahahaha, damn, it’s a dead end no matter what! People are quitting in droves, but being too quiet isn’t okay, and being too proactive isn’t okay either. This company is basically a psychological warfare camp, right?
Me: Hey, but seriously, it wasn’t that we couldn’t take it back then—it was that we still had our self-respect. Of the people who stayed, some genuinely had no choice, while the rest simply didn’t care about maintaining their personal integrity at all.
A: Exactly. Now that I’ve left and look back, I just feel lucky. I don’t want to be manipulated like a puppet every day.
B: Same here. I was forced to leave back then, but looking back now, it was actually a kind of liberation.
C: Hey, maybe we should publish a book someday. We could call it *When Engineers Meet Pretentious Office Personality Tests: The Breakdown Diaries of Four People*. I’ll share it with you all first.
Me: Cool. The cover could show the supervisor smiling while holding tarot cards, with the four of us walking silently out of the office in the background.